So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
