Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
