I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Boobs are out for the taking
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
how does that bad decision feel?
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