Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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