You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
