It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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