Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize