i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
