she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
