gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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