You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
