does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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