I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When are your genitals available?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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