All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
