My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
