maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
