i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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