This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Damn victory sex feels great
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
