I love black thongs
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
