I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
