he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
