We're facebook friends in real life
This girl is more easily done than said...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
