just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
