new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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