Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
