Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
