youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
