I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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