she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
