That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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