My first STD was from a foam party
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
