I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
