I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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