It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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