her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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