we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
