How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
