Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
