his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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