I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
