Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
