i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
