the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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