The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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