I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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