I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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