i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
