Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
