fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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