Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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