He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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