okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
