I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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