Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You can't special order awesome
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
