my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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