New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
