Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
