You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
