somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize