Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
