I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
