I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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