He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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