Do you still have your period?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
