The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
