Are we in a gay sports bar?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
