i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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