he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
