I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
