I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
